How to say "I'm going to spank you if..."? I am just doing some homework and I can't make the sentence I want. Concretely, I want to write > "If you start smoking again, I'm going to give you a good spanking." If I say this in England or other parts in Europe (in a different language) the person I am telling this will laugh (or at least smile). Because of course I am not actually going to beat them up even if they start smoking again. How can I say this in Japanese?

There are so many ways to render it with a similar effect. Idiolect could play a significant role, reflecting one's generation, gender, personality, proclivity to use humor, etc.

The addressee's reaction could depend on HOW you say it, too, e.g., with affected seriousness, with subtle cuteness, a deadpan tone/face, furrowed brows with eyes smiling, etc.

Just a few examples that come to mind: + + + + + + +dozens of variations are possible on this ).

For added emphasis you could repeat the noun part immediately after these, e.g., (with or without the exclamation mark).