select your desired variety of cheese from the refrigerator using a sharp knife cordon off a suitable amount of cheese as is required select a plate and appropriate grater place the grater on the plate take the cheese into your palm and press it against the appliance oscillate your hand up and down keeping your palm flat and allowing the maximum cheese to greater surface area repeat this movement until there is no cheese left in your hand remove the grater from the plate and retrieve excess cheese carefully you will now have a plate of grated cheese sprinkle on bread nachos polonaise pour other fitting snack we strongly advise the traditional grating appliance for cheese we do not suggest using a sieve a soup blender a small sewing kit a hammer or a poster of Robert Pattinson do not force the cheese integrating itself using an automated weapon this is not physically possible for the cheese do not accidentally grate a carrot although some cheese's are orange carrots are not a cheese do not forget to pick up the cheese and grate your hand by accident if you do forget the cheese and grate your hand off call 999 immediately resist the urge to grate the cheese into an offensive shape it is likely others will be offended although a small minority may be faintly aroused do not grate the cheese in a wood shed do not attach the grater to your hand and pretend you are the Terminator or a robot doing the robot dance although I do recommend this dance in the discotheques do not sprinkle the cheese onto food that is still sealed this is entirely pointless do not listen to depressing love songs while ingesting cheese or you may consume more than is necessary you will get fat and possibly explode do not be tempted to form a jazz band with the cheese it cannot play the trumpet and cheese does not like jazz except Wensley Dale in fact do not mistake the cheese for a friend it is not and never will be your friend as a companion cheese is emotionally draining and will leave you feeling Hollow never forget cheese deserves to be created I do not pity cheese it is a filthy smelly thing it needs to be grated grated grate it till it bleeds and remember don't forget to wash your hands while handling dairy products