In short there exist functions such as $e^x$ whose derivative increases at a rate equal to the function itself. You make an incorrect assumption _precisely_ here:
> "From this, I've assumed that $f′(x)$ must eventually be outdone by $f(x)$ simply because $f′(x)$ cannot get large without making $f(x)$ even larger."
With that being said, these sorts of questions are really quite laudable.