The option you're looking for is called `mode-style`.
For example, entering `:set mode-style "fg=red,bg=blue"` in the `tmux` command prompt and selecting something from `man tmux` yields the following result:
!tmux mode-style demo screenshot
Note that this option also affects the display of the line counter (here `[0/11]`) in the upper right corner of the pane in copy-mode.